An improvised life

A friend recently wrote sharing news of her partial victory in a difficult divorce. I sensed a wariness in her tone, which suggested no one greet this bit of good news with too much enthusiasm. I responded to her:   “In my experience of trauma and transition there are no big moments of closure, victory, or exultation. It is a process, tiring and winding, up and down, internal and external, non-linear. Sometimes others want to inject these artificial, wishful concepts – especially ‘closure.’ You are wise to quietly head off too much cheerleading from well-meaning friends and family who may not understand the ongoing nature of the process.” This circuitous, unpredictable trajectory has been the theme of the past month for me. I was cruising along, maybe 95 percent done with my cancer treatment, when an ominous chest pain set in on February 1. A cascading series of medical mishaps and other setbacks put me in the hospital for the better part of the month (that’s just an expre

I was discharged Friday after ten days in the hospital. Things finally got sorted out and I got a more appropriate diagnosis and treatment, but it is disheartening to find out just how much advocacy, knowledge and persistence it takes to get proper medical care. Having my father with me was invaluable and I am so grateful for his expertise and diligence.  I am also grateful for Nu, a longtime friend of my sister-in-law’s who looked after Alder with caring and love during my absence. A neighbor told me her son asked Alder who Nu was and he replied, “She’s a Thai person and she loves me.” With the routine of kindergarten, nurture from Nu, nightly reading with my father, and playtime with local friends and neighbors, Alder continued to thrive while I was in the hospital.     I was diagnosed with pericarditis, or inflammation of the sac around the heart. I’m not sure why I got it – it was probably something viral and I may be more susceptible to such things due to my cancer t

Hello friends, Things have taken a turn for the mysterious with my health so I thought I’d share some facts about the current state of affairs. I’ve been diagnosed with pericardial effusion, or fluid/inflammation in the sac around the heart. I was admitted to Swedish hospital last Wednesday after several days of severe chest pain. After initial misdiagnosis and treatment, I’m being treated with strong anti-inflammatories and continuous IV saline, and my heart is being monitored 24/7 by EKG. My follow-up echocardiogram today shows no real change in fluid levels, so we are contemplating the next step. That will probably either be to tap the fluid by ultrasound-guided needle aspiration, or a more invasive surgery to drain the fluid and remove a “window” of my pericardial sac. Surgery brings more risk and more recovery time, but would yield more diagnostic information and might help prevent recurrence. Some seemingly unrelated complications arose at the same time, inc