Your Advice is Killing Me
Last night I talked to a friend who lamented the unsolicited advice others feel entitled to offer. Her family is going through hard times, and there are difficult decisions to be made. But she did not ask for advice. I told her I’ve learned there’s one consequence of trauma people don’t warn you about: trauma serves as an invitation to others to peer into your life and advise. Most of it is well-meaning. But it quietly robs you of self-efficacy. It can trigger a spiral of dependence and self-doubt. Over the last decade, my husband died, my best friend died, and I went from a paragon of health to a double-cancer survivor. The hardest part has been an erosion of my sense of self. In addition to the Big Things – the death and disease – there were more insidious ways I felt my agency ebb. Complicated relationships. Giving up my work and professional identity to prioritize my children and my health. Moving seven times, not always by choice. Losing confidence that with enough grit,