An improvised life

My surgery was four weeks ago tomorrow, and its aftermath has melted my cockiness. It feels like someone opened my chest and duct-taped it shut in the exhaled position. Which is just about what happened: The surgeon scraped every last iota of breast tissue, including the fascia of my chest muscle, because the cancer went to within a millimeter at the deep margin (the back of the breast). I also had 22 lymph nodes removed, and now know more about lymph than any normal human should. The lymphatic system is a sort of shadow transport system that moves interstitial fluid and the various waste products that collect there. The lymph system helps filter debris, fight infection, and keep the body’s fluids in balance by returning filtered fluid to the bloodstream. [i] When you zap 22 lymph nodes, it’s like damming a bunch of tributaries. If I’m lucky, alternate channels will form and keep the lymph flowing smoothly; if not, back-ups of fluid in my arm will cause swelling and discomfo

I have no insights to offer at the moment, so instead I offer a play-by-play of my mastectomy and axillary dissection experience for those interested in the lurid details.   Last Tuesday I got up at 3:45am (in itself a feat for me) and took my second “surgical shower:” you wash according to your regular habits; turn the water off; wash yourself from the neck down with a non-lathering surgical soap (active ingredient: chlorhexidine gluconate); turn the water on; rinse. You do this before bed and again in the morning before surgery. It’s a loathsome process but I’m grateful Swedish is so anal in their anti-infection procedures. I couldn’t eat or drink before surgery, couldn’t put on any lotion or make-up or jewelry, have no hair to arrange, and my clothes would soon be exchanged for scrubs, so there wasn’t much to think about before leaving the house. Except food, but I’m obsessed with food so I did my thinking in advance. I’d packed homemade granola and a box of almond milk

I finished chemo last week. By some minor miracle, I still have a respectable collection of intact eyelashes – almost 20 on the bottom of each eye and too many to count on top, according to Brian. Likewise with my eyebrows. I wish I could say the same for the friendly flora in my gut, which seem to have taken a beating, but I figure in about ten days I’ll be clear of residual toxins, if not entirely over their effects. Here’s hoping I’ll also be clean of cancer – the surgeon plans to cut it out in five days.   I never did break into the make-up haul I scored at a free Look Good … Feel Better® workshop I attended in July. I thought it would offer tips or encouragement for dealing with hair loss and keeping skin healthy through chemotherapy and radiation. There was some of that, but mostly we just went through our goodie bags and put on make-up under the guidance of a 60-something esthetician who volunteers on the side to help women like me. When we signed up for the class, w