An improvised life

Hello friends, Things have taken a turn for the mysterious with my health so I thought I’d share some facts about the current state of affairs. I’ve been diagnosed with pericardial effusion, or fluid/inflammation in the sac around the heart. I was admitted to Swedish hospital last Wednesday after several days of severe chest pain. After initial misdiagnosis and treatment, I’m being treated with strong anti-inflammatories and continuous IV saline, and my heart is being monitored 24/7 by EKG. My follow-up echocardiogram today shows no real change in fluid levels, so we are contemplating the next step. That will probably either be to tap the fluid by ultrasound-guided needle aspiration, or a more invasive surgery to drain the fluid and remove a “window” of my pericardial sac. Surgery brings more risk and more recovery time, but would yield more diagnostic information and might help prevent recurrence. Some seemingly unrelated complications arose at the same time, inc

I met a woman a few years ago who had suffered a severe concussion that resulted in brain injury. About six months after her injury, she updated friends on her condition. Her window of cognitive capacity had increased to four hours; after that, she said, she was physically and mentally wiped out. A previously busy and involved working mother, she now rested most of the time, and had to make constant tradeoffs. For example, if she balanced her checkbook or called a friend, would she be able to manage the next part of her day?   “My doctor describes my cognitive capacity like a gas tank,” she wrote. “Mine is smaller than it used to be, or it burns up more gas to do the same tasks I used to be able to do several of.” I was almost 18 months out from John’s death when I received her update, and I recognized myself in her description. I was fighting to maintain my involvement in the world around me, but felt increasingly unable to give my children what they needed, unable

I’m overdue for posting! Many thoughts, but I’ll start with an update. For the past few weeks I enjoyed a bit of a holiday from being a cancer patient. Chemo toxins purged, arm and shoulder recovered from surgery, eyelashes and eyebrows flourishing. I even got a falsie (aka breast prosthesis), so I am feeling downright human again. The feeling might be short-lived, as I started radiation today and already feel like I have a mild sunburn in the irradiated area. I’m slathering it with something called Manuka cream and plan to procure more potions; apparently the impact is cumulative and the discomfort and fatigue tend to worsen through the six-week course of treatment.   I’m getting used to my scar and zone of no-sensation, and so is Alder. I don’t know if I’m creating (yet more) fodder for future therapy sessions, but I don’t always bother to kick him out when I’m getting dressed. I was careful about the surgery area for a while because I thought it might be a jarring vis